Thanksgiving

SoundTrack Don Pullen's "The Eagle Staff is First"

Thanksgiving has always been one of the most difficult holidays for me. The first stages of my education like most Americans were full of an indoctrination that still sticks with me to this day. Many of those days I have long forgotten. They were full of pictures of pilgrims, ships and the talk of religious freedom. My imagination wondered what it would be like to have lived in such a great time-the harsh conditions and ultimately the gifts from the Native Americans. Years later, when I studied history and read independently outside of school, I realized I rarely ran into folks with Native American ancestry (outside of those blacks I know who said they got Indian in them) and the hypocrisy was in plain view. As most folks tell it, they lost a war. I doubt this as much as I doubt the "white man's burden" or the idea that the domination of Europeans over the world or this continent have increased the quality of life for most of us. Ask the Buffalo or the Native Americans, perhaps they know. But none of that is what a holiday is truly about. It is really about being together with family, friends, good food, cheer and enjoying the company of those you love. All across the world people do this and often do it in the name of their gods, their religion and the spirit of their ancestors. As an African-American, I have to realize that this is what the folks who created this country are doing on this day, and besides, we get a day off-so in some way we have our own traditions associated with it. Why not celebrate? But then comes the television and the history lessons and the bombing of the Gaza Strip and the talk of respect for human life and it all becomes hard to fathom. It's the obvious contradiction in the ideas that make the holiday difficult. Fortunately, or unfortunately, I was raised and educated to reconcile ideas towards a perfection that may be impossible though it appears impractical at first. In many ways a holiday like Thanksgiving or the History of Native Americans for most of us is the perfect example of how impractical our idea of freedom, democracy or justice truly is. It functions like our general concept of the environment. Green is impractical because it messes with our personal enjoyment. It destroys our personal sense of progress and makes us take a few extra steps each day, spend more money, refrain from certain creature comforts. I would agree, there is a place where ideas break down. Life is three dimensions. Life is not an idea. It is constant harmony, breath, interaction and union so complex and constant it exists beyond words; but the mystery is also the impetus for the words and concepts humans have created. Our ideas are attempts to manage and teach interactions that create a greater union which is more in accord with universal law so that humans may have better lives. Often the energy I receive from Thanksgiving is that we are completely incapable of changing anything about the world. It is simply set in stone and destined to last forever. We cannot afford the personal sacrifice of not celebrating and for many it is not sacrifice but punishment. We cannot topple the holiday because too many of us already have connections, memories and traditions sewn to it. What should we do? And there comes the wave of sorrow, for my ancestors and those who first settled this land and the long drawn out stories of Christian conviction and what matters. It is a lie at the center of the country and the depression makes us wonder if lies simply don't work. If they devil don't simply win out. I mean at least Hitler lost. And the distance grows even greater. Ever notice how big this country is on the map. Russia, Canada, the U.S., Australia and China are the largest countries in the world. Three of them are colonial expansions were the native peoples have been regulated to the fringes of society and victimized by genocide. But as an African American I have to say this is our holiday too. I grew up with stuffing I love, turkey and my family filling the house with a warmth I still remember. But this year my small family's Thanksgiving is simple. My daughter is watching Gossip Girl while one son is cleaning his room and doing homework. My other son is busy surfing the net, listening to music and talking with friends. I am writing this blog while my wife and I are trying to figure out how to make money. We aren't celebrating this year. With that comes a strange calm; but I might watch the football game this evening. The Cowboys are playing the Washington football team. My goodness-there it is again.